2021 hasn’t been kind to me. Though there have been some great moments during the year, overall I would say it was one of the roughest years I’ve had in recent memory (if not possibly ever). Honestly, I’m glad it’s almost over and I looking forward 2022. In 2022 I am hoping for new opportunities that will make me happy and feel like I’m thriving in all areas of my life. I am hoping to move out of my friend’s house and into a place of my own where I can adopt a cat and have more space to myself to clean, decorate, etc as I please. And there are a lot of other things I’m hoping for too, but I’m going to keep those to myself for now. But here’s my recap of 2021!

So 2021 started off badly. My then fiancée decided to end our relationship on December 31st, 2020, hours before it became 2021. I was heartbroken, confused, and angry. My friend and his mom (the people I’m living with now), came to help me bring some of my stuff to their house and I rang in 2021 with them, though I was depressed out of my mind and feeling unsure of what 2021 would mean for me now. Less than 24 hours later, my ex-fiancée told me he wanted to talk, I agreed and we got back together. Looking back on that situation, getting back together was a huge mistake, especially with what happens over the next two months.

I got myself a new therapist soon after all this happened. I even had my ex sit on a session and the therapist basically focused on all the wrong things in that session and pretty much every other session I had with him. When I had my nervous breakdown in February, his only advice was for my ex was to take me to the hospital if I got too bad and for me to control my thoughts… and that was the moment I knew I had the wrong therapist and fired him a few days later. The nervous breakdown was bad. I had to take time away from graduate school because it was too much for me. Work was shaky. My home life at the time was… well let’s just say I was talking and nobody listened to me. They just kept doing whatever they wanted and didn’t care about what I wanted or needed in order to start to feel better.

March rolled around and I finally had something to look forward to- I was going home to Pennsylvania for the first time in over a year. I was going to get to see my parents and best friends and Nightmare for the first time in over a year! I was so happy to go home and it was just what I needed for so many reasons. Before I left, I knew my relationship wasn’t going to last. We weren’t working as a couple anymore, the bad was overshadowing the good, he stopped listening to me (though he claimed I stopped talking to him), and more that I won’t go into. But when I got on the plane to Pennsylvania, I felt relief… and then when I got on the plane to come back to Florida, I knew I was coming back to end my engagement and I did the day I returned. It was the right thing to do, I don’t doubt that. Those last 3 months together and how my ex acted during the aftermath really showed me that he wasn’t the right person for me to be with for the rest of my life.

It took me awhile to start feel better again after the breakup. Moving all my stuff out of the apartment was difficult (mainly because I only had help from my Florida best friend) and I struggled a lot with the idea of staying in Florida versus going back to Pennsylvania, both of which had its pros and cons. But in the end, I decided to stay in Florida and see where life here takes me.

After the breakup, I got a new therapist, a psychiatrist and started taking medication because my anxiety got so out of hand that it was scaring me and everyone around me. Starting the medication was rough because my body was so used to me being high stress, high anxiety, and running a certain way for so long… and the medication changed all that. Also, since the medication only treated my anxiety, my depression went on full blast and that was the hardest part of it all. It wasn’t an easy adjustment period, but I made it through. I also got a new therapist, which didn’t work out either… so this year I’ve been through 3 therapists, with my current therapist being the best one, though I don’t talk to her as often as I should. My mental health journey has been a rollercoaster and I’m hoping that it’s more like a lazy river in 2022.

Somehow through all of this, I managed to get my MFA in Creative Writing! And in May, I got to return to Pennsylvania to celebrate my best friend’s 30th birthday with her. Sadly my 30th birthday wasn’t a good birthday. My plans fell through and I ended up spending it alone, which was really rough for me because I’ve never spent a birthday alone. My depression got bad around that time too and was bad for awhile.

October was a really bad month for reasons I’m still not ready to talk about. Besides those reasons, I got a kidney stone for the second time! It didn’t want to pass, they found more in my left kidney, so they decided that once again I needed surgery to remove the stone that didn’t pass and all the ones that could eventually pass. So on November 4th, I went through that whole ordeal again, though this time recovery was a bit better, but I was in massive pain even after the stent removal and I went back to work even though I didn’t feel ready to go back. But I did… and then a week later I was knocked on my ass for 2-3 days from a stomach bug that went through our entire household and had everyone down for the count for about 24-48 hours. My friend’s mom and I got it the worse out of everyone, so that was fun (she said sarcastically). I’ve gotten sick a few more times since then and I have no doubt its happened because of the stress I’ve been feeling and the overall negative energy that this year has continuously had.

But this year hasn’t been all bad! There has been some good too! Here is a quick list of the good that has happened this year-

1. I met 3 of my favorite YouTubers at Universal Studios back in March! I met Peter a.k.a. ThePotterCollector, MindyMinx and LarryLinx!
2. I got my MFA in Creative Writing! I graduated on May 7th!
3. Obviously being able to go home twice during the year to visit my family and friends was a really good thing for me. I can’t wait to see them all again in 2022!
4. Getting my learner’s permit. I still don’t have my driver’s license (my driving lessons haven’t resumed yet), but it’s a start!

So that’s my recap for 2021! I hope everyone had a better 2021 than I did! But I am hopeful that 2022 will be better. I think it’s just a matter of it starting on the right foot which I’m hopeful it will. I have one more post left for the New Year, which will be up tomorrow! And then I’ll be seeing all of you in 2022!