One of my goals in life for as long as I can remember is to have children. There was a brief time when I had convinced myself I didn’t want children because the person I was dating at the time didn’t want them. At the time of dating this person, I had low self-esteem and didn’t think anyone else would ever want me, so I agreed. However, it made me really unhappy to think that I would never be a mother and eventually this became one of the many things that led to the end of that relationship.

But now I’m 30. Though my self-esteem is still shaky some days, I know myself a lot better now than I did when I was 23. I know what compromise/sacrifices I’m willing to make for a partner/relationship and children is not something I’m willing to sacrifice. However, I am willing to compromise on the number (though personally, I would like to have two children and I’m hoping to have a boy and a girl). Luckily, my ex-fiancée wanted children, so I knew that wouldn’t be a problem… unfortunately he ended up being the wrong person and all the things I thought I was so close to having, I’m now back at square one with. It doesn’t feel good. I want to be a mother and that urge has only gotten stronger as the months have gone by, especially because I currently live with an almost three-year-old who is a wonderful, sweet, fun, and overall awesome little boy. His name is Joey and he’s my little buddy. Nothing makes me happier than when I get home from work and he comes running over to me for a hug or when he comes into my room to give me night nights or when he comes into my room and sits on my bed with me and we watch something together (usually Blippi, he loves Blippi). If I’m having a bad day, he makes me feel better. If I’m feeling alone, he makes me feel less alone. And through all the good moments and bad moments with him , all I can think to myself is- I want a child of my own. I want to be a mom. I’m ready to be a mom.

So that’s where this book comes in. One of my favorite YouTubers Brittany Vasseur said this book helped her get pregnant with her eldest child and now she has 2 beautiful children. I’ve heard other YouTubers say the same thing. My ex-fiancée and I tried unsuccessfully for our entire relationship to have a baby. I’ve had times where I thought I was pregnant, but always ended up getting my period. I have never experienced a miscarriage, which I am very thankful for. But all of this has left me haunted by one major question- What if I can’t get pregnant? This thought has probably caused me more heartbreak and anxiety than any other thought ever has. I’ve come to the realization that as much as I want to be married and have children, if it came down to it, I would go to a sperm bank and have a child that way if love didn’t seem like it was coming my way. That’s how badly I want to be a mother.

I’ve done my research. I know about IUI, IVF, adoption, surrogacy… I’ve looked into all of them as back-up plans for the absolute worst case scenario for me (which would be not being able to get pregnant naturally/at all). And as a 30-year-old woman, I’m aware of the risks that come with getting pregnant at an older age (though this leans more toward the mid 30s). But me being me, knowing that I have at least 5 years before I would be considered high risk, I want to do everything I can to avoid getting close to that. With or without someone by my side, I am hoping to have my first child by my no later than 32.

As I was reading this book, I realized health classes in school for girls leaves out so much! They explain what a period means, what happens when you have one, etc, but they don’t go in-depth with it. I never realized just how complex the female body can be and I’ve been lugging one around for 30 years! Here are just a few things I learned while reading this book-

1. If you’re having trouble conceiving or have had one or more miscarriages, they could be caused by an easily treated condition. Celiac disease, Vitamin D deficiency, and an underachieve thyroid are just some of the obstacles that can block you from becoming pregnant.
2. Phthalates and other toxins can play a huge role in fertility, so lowering your exposure to them can really help.
3. Egg quality is important, but so is sperm quality. They always look at the women when it comes to miscarriages, but the sperm quality could be the cause.

This book covers everything. It is filled with well-researched and scientifically proven facts. It gives recommendations for basic, advanced and intermediate fertility plans. It talks about PCOS and endometriosis and what women with those conditions can do to help boost their chances of becoming pregnant. There is even a chapter dedicated to sperm quality for you and your partner to read. Basically, this book covers anything and everything you might want/need to know when trying to become pregnant. I learned so much from this book. I have a list of things I want to talk to my gynecologist about when I have my next appointment and I already have my list of things I want to be tested for. I’m 30-years-old. I want to be a mother. I’m ready to be a mother. I can’t keep waiting for doctors to make up their minds on what they want to do for me, so I’m going to let them know what I want to be done for myself. Is it pushy? Probably. Do I care? No.

I don’t know how many women how struggling with getting pregnant like I am. What I do know is the heartbreak when you see those lines on a pregnancy test tell you you’re not pregnant. What I do know are the tears of frustration and sadness that pool in your eyes every time you get your period when you hoped like hell you wouldn’t. I know what it’s like to want something so bad and be so scared that you’ll never get it that it leads to panic attacks, anxiety attacks, sleepless nights, depression, and so much more… so that’s why I’m sharing this book. If even one person reading my blog reads this, buys the book, and ends up pregnant as a result, then it was worth it to share it. I bought my copy off Amazon because when I tried ordering it through a bookstore (Books-A-Million to be exact), it never arrived and I had to cancel my order. You can find the Amazon link for the book here. I hope everyone has a good week.